Today has been the worst day ever.  But lets talk about the good things first, I got released to go back to work on Monday so yay! and I have an appointment with occupational health tomorrow, it's like my jobs own doctors office.  I finally got the piece that I need to fix my car so my dad and I are going to try to put my car back together tomorrow, yay.  I went to dance class today with Ashleigh and it was soo much fun, I miss doing that kind of stuff.  I miss exaltation more than anyone will ever know, but that whole thing was my fault.  It’s too bad that I won't be marching next year for exaltation because they have gotten so good.  I’m proud of you guys :)  
... on with the darker side of today.  Today me and Gabe got not into a fight but an argument, it was stupid.  I feel bad for not doing what I should've done but I was only trying to protect him, I don't want him to think that I was trying to keep stuff from him, but he's right he needed to know the truth, that of which I didn't deliver, meaning I just never told him.  Then I’m talking to Kyle today, I ask him how his day is going, what's he been up to and blah blah, then he starts asking me if I’m still talking to Gabe and what was going on with that, and I tell him that eh I’m not sure, we're kind of at a stand still with things, and that I don't think anything's going to happen between us, but that we were just going to be friends. I also told Kyle that me and Gabe hung out on Sunday and watched shrek 2 in my living room where he feel asleep, it was really cute:).  Kyle then goes on to ask me if I knew where Gabe was on Monday, I say no.  Kyle tells me that he was hanging around this boy named Conner (I through a party on Saturday and invited Conner to come along, Gabe and Conner met for the first time) at Conner’s house.  Well, I'm not sure if this is true, but Kyle said that Conner and Gabe did things, and you know what that's not what I even care about, Gabe is his own man, he has no restrictions on what he does, or doesn't do.  I am in no way connected to Gabe or as others would say, I’m not his bf.  This is the kind of stuff ...at...i don't really care about.  So later that night, I’m talking to Edgar on aim and we start talking about how his day went and blah blah blah.  Then as I’m talking to edg, Kyle calls me; I tell Kyle that I’m on the phone with edg and vice versa.  Edg tells me to tell Kyle this "I really wanted to hook up with you but, I didn't think you did second chances"....Kyle heard this and thought for a second, he then tells me to write...”If that was the truth then why were you making out with Gabe in JEREMI'S rooM?"
When edg read this he freaked out.  He said that what Kyle had said was not true (edg knows that I like Gabe, but not that THAT matters anymore), and he got kind of defensive.  Well me and Kyle get off the phone, while edg and I battle it out on the computer.  So me and Edgar get into this huge fight, about how I have had a hard time trusting him.  And I said "well, what do you expect, it's like every other word out of your mouth is a lie. I mean between you and David it was nothing BUT lies" so then I told him "I know about you and your family situation, I know that you live in that house b/c YOU want to live there"...and he just tells me that I have no clue what I’m talking about and blah...but I reply “how can I have a clue, you never even talk to me about this kind of stuff, every time I ask you, you switch the subject"...I then said..."You say you want to have the kind of relationship that me and josh have that you are jealous of us and how we are bestest friends, how am I supposed to believe what you say? If you did just make out with Gabe just own up to it...do you think I’ll be mad?"

I hope that he'll come around...but as of right now...we're "not talking" like childish 3 year olds, and the whole time I was talking to him it was like he was running away from me and what I wanted to talk about....it was just frustrating.  I hope that Edgar understand that I’m just not the type of person to give up on things....this whole thing is stupid, sometimes we  as humans get caught up in ... the dumbest of things.

last night i actually had a talk with david, an ACTUAL talk with him...look what he said, it's interesting :)

David:  i read a story
David:  abotu a man
David:  who lived his life with everyoen thinking he was a great man, thinking
David:  they knew everythign about him
David:  he felt sad
David:  he thoguht that only god and himself (his god) could every truly
David:  understand him
David:  one day he put on a veil
David:  and the townspeopel were sad
David:  because they said "we cant see who you really are anymore"
David:  and he was even sadder
David:  becuase he said to them " you never really could"
David:  he face began to change
David:  to change into what his god wanted him to be
David:  he died wiht the veil
David:  his wifewas too scared to lift the veil
Me:      but why?
David:  becuas ehse was scared to see what he truly was
David:  becaus ebeneeth the veil, his face turned into who he reallt was
David:  his pastor could not lift the veil
David:  he said "what is underneath is between him and god"
David:  what is your mask?

so i ask all of you what is your mask?

It has been scientifically proven that water particles freeze differently based on the types of emotion felt by the neerest person freezing tehm. anger induces asymetrical freezing, and happiness the opposite...imagine, how, our bodies are made up of 90% h20...our feeligns and perceptions of ourselves, the moment in time that we exist on this plane, exists because of what we tell ourselves we are,... we ar eonly as good as we think we are.

think about it more like this:
    If you were water in a bottle, would someone want to drink you?

OK bitches.  this is it, i've decided...............................................................................................................

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........................................that' im going to march :)
i love you scouts boys just to much.  I'm gonna call Lionell this weekend.  wish me luck :)